Dear me
I am glad you wrote and wrote to judge. Judge my life –ours that- is but judgements cant be passed in isolation, so I decided to write back to you. I promise I wont pretend and I shall be what I think .
I agree when I had set off sail I knew nothing about how was I supposed to captain my ship –I knew nothing about the rough seas ,the unseen storms and those horrifying deadly creatures which welcomed me all along . I had set on a voyage to enjoy the voyage without knowing what lands I shall reach to or whether I shall at all .
Yes I have seen and faught it all but I have faught not always to win ,rather it is very seldom that I have won. But victory is so much relative –from where you view I stand as a defeated soldier –scarred ,bruised , mauled , wounded ,zinged .But even as a defeated soldier I have never turned my back and never even thought of running away from the battlefield – when at most occasions I was fully justified in doing it .
I might be defeated –but I have never been a coward .I have faced it all –the disasters ,the storms , the demons and the ruthless sea .I would have been much safer if instead I had taken refuge in another ship ,captained by some experienced sailor – but I chose to captain my raft –to face everything on my own .
You are right I am numb .There are people all around me .They tell me what is better for my life and what is not . I have chosen to become numb to them . And I have chosen this consciously .These are my choices and this is my life – it is very easy to blindly follow what people say –to accept what are their beliefs which are actually not theirs but some which they have inherited from some past generations of beliefs and believers in them. But I have chosen to discover things myself –not re-explore the treaded paths which have now left trails of generations passing over them.
So don’t worry if there are no more victories in store for me –I am a victor until I stand in the battlefield refusing to leave –numb to people ,feelings , thoughts , all worldly wises ,numb to pain ,laughter ,ignores , disdain ,numb to failures and success . The marks of the battle are where they are supposed to be –on my face and none on my back and I wear them proudly –all those marks which the world calls failures .
I am the creator of my past ,present and future .I might seem in a deep slumber to the outside world -but watch closely –I lie awakened within.
Love you
Stay with me always...
